one says no, another says yes

We were with one doctor for years.  We didnt like him....at all. But I knew he was a good surgeon so we stayed.

After over a year of, "next appointment we can discuss getting dry" I was fed up.

At the next appointment (a year after we tried to discuss getting him dry and clean in the first place)  I said  this is what we want. We are ready.

He looked Toby in the eye and said, "Toby how do you feel about diapers, do you care?: you have to talk to me about your diapers."  

Toby burried his head in my shoulder and sobbed.

The dr took this as he was clearly not ready. I screamed "THIS PROVES HOW BIG A DEAL IT IS TO HIM."

(btw we never ever ever have used the term diaper, with having so many younger siblings diaper is for babies, using that word confirmed his worse fears.)

Then the doctor said I dont do a surgery like this on any of these kids until they are teenagers. END OF STORY.

He walked out and my mouth was left hanging open.

Then his nurse (bless her, she actually left his practice shortly after that) pulled me quickly into a side room.  And this is what she said.

"Dont listen to him. Hes a fool. You fight for your kid. If other kids are potty trained and dry then he should be too. Dont listen, fight for the best for him."

Then she said something very very sad.

"Some of his patients are in deep depression. They get to the point where they just stop caring. He waits too long. They already had too many humiliating circumstances and accidents.  They arent socially acceptable, they dont care. and then they have no one. and then the depression comes."

I never ever went back to his office.


We found our doctor now....through miraculous events. (like his wife showing up at my front door, long story, but super miraculous)  And after 2 appointments he was on board. I didnt wait. I didnt blink. I just signed the paper work and we picked a date.  I knew we needed this. It had taken almost 2 years by then end of everything with the old doctor to get to this point. There was no point in backing out now. and so we moved on and every day got closer to the super scary date on my calendar.